(255) Should I be admitting this?

Probably not. . . but I can't think of anything else to write about tonight. So...

I had a dream last night about the boy I had a crush on in high school. I actually dreamt about a lot of my old friends from high school, almost like we were all back there. Only, I could remember that I was married with 2 kids. And, I was driving my van around.

Anyway, the main part about the dream that I remember was that he kept confessing to me how much he had always loved me and that he wanted to marry me now. I kept telling him it was too late and I didn't want to leave my husband. I broke that boy's heart.

But, I feel a little guilty because that little piece of my heart that is still back there in high school got all excited at the idea of him falling at my feet!

So, today, I have been thinking about how my life has turned out since then (and maybe wondering how it would be now if things had gone the way I had hoped for).

High school was a looooooooong time ago. It doesn't really feel like it sometimes, but I'm coming up on 16 years post graduation! Life has not been what I expected, but that is not a bad thing at all.

I didn't marry when I planned on marrying or who I planned on marrying. And yet, the way it worked out is better than I could have planned (especially at such a young age). I am so in love with my Mike, even though I've been shocked at times at how hard we have to work to keep that love alive.

I love my kids so, so, so much. I never understood how much a mother loves her children until they were born.

I love taking care of my house and family. That one I kind of anticipated, but never got how much work it really is and how wearing it can be and yet so rewarding. I love the role I play in life.

I look forward now to different things than I did then: A house, more kids, a garden, canning, teaching my kids, watching them grow and learn and dream and move on (not too soon!). I have wondered today how close my plans will be followed. My life has a tendency to move in paths I can't anticipate.

But, looking back, I realize that it is ok if things don't turn out as planned. My life is beautiful. I love it and I always will no matter what happens. For that, I am grateful (and happy).