40: Reader's writer's block?

I had trouble thinking of something to write about today. I have been focusing on my book, so the writer in me has been sleeping. But, I'm going to attempt to wake her up and let her ramble for a few minutes before I put her back to bed and get back to my book. Sorry if I lose anyone.

Today has been a great day. I have been reading pretty much all day thanks in great part to my sister who watched Owyn all morning for me.

It is our custom to give each other a few hours off on alternating Mondays. Next week I will take her kids. She often tells me that she thinks I have the bum end of the deal since she has 3 kids to drop off while I only drop off 1 (Lily is too small to be left for that long); but I disagree. I enjoy spending time with my nieces and nephew and it makes me happy to be able to give her time to run free.

I am aware that I am very lucky to have this resource. Every mother/woman deserves to have a sister or two (or three or four) close by to give such sanity-saving support and friendship. Motherhood, I am learning, is very difficult. =) My whole day is filled with baby caring and feeding and crying as well as laughter and smiles and games. It is tremendously hard work but tremendously rewarding. Many days I miss my husband who is off studying hard for what seems like days or weeks at a time. Some days, I catch myself cracking jokes to no one in particular and then laughing like someone else told the funniest joke ever. Then I wonder if I am going crazy, (yes, but that's not new.)

Anyway, my point today is that along with learning the difficulties of Motherhood, I am also learning the rewards and the simple pleasures of life that are so necessary. I am not quite sure how to express my thoughts, but I'm going to try. Today I spent pretty much the entire day reading. I ignored most of the dishes (I couldn't help doing some of them); I ignored the sweeping and the laundry and even the dinner prep (plenty of leftovers in the fridge). The only thing I haven't ignored today was my girls when they needed me, and, wonder of wonders, I feel like I gave them better attention today because of the time I took for myself. I expanded my mind, letting a story take place in my head and thoughts to run free which, in some strange way, empowers me. It makes me feel less crazy and more human so that when I crack those stupid jokes to myself I don't feel ashamed that I'm laughing outloud to myself. Does that make sense? (It does to me, which I guess is all that matters.) I feel happy and grateful that my girls have watched me reading today and that they see the joy it brings me. I am so grateful for my sisters and oh how I wish we were all together physically. I hope I can still give them the support they need.

And, I am so grateful for my husband who has to leave and study. He works so hard and he is creating a better life for us and without him, I would never be able to experience this joyously difficult Motherhood thing.